Is your life on hold?
Our Counsellor, Gill, says she often hear patients comment that walking through the doors of Bath Fertility feels like handing over control of their lives to the medical team.
Frequently, patients tell her they feel powerless in their fertility journey, as there is no certainty and no guarantee of success.
“You are working with science and statistics where you feel creating a baby should be about emotion and intimacy”, says Gill.
People who come to Bath Fertility naturally don’t have expert knowledge and have to rely on others. Your body is not doing what it “should”, and often, there are no real explanations. “The internet tells you everything and nothing. This powerlessness and uncertainty can gradually creep into all areas of life. For many if feels no longer possible to plan, to change job, to move, to go on holiday”, she says.
From an evolutionary standpoint, if we are in control of our environment, then we have a far better chance of survival. Control is consequently of vital significance to our wellbeing. It is in reality the sense of control, rather than actual control which seems to be important. That sense of control is supported by a number of key factors:
- A sense of certainty
- Understanding how things wok
- Being able to predict what will happen
- That people (including ourselves) and things are consistent
Gill says “Patients often tell me that they struggle with all of these”. It might be helpful to consider how you could bring a level of control back into your life.
“Make time to talk, structure space to look after yourselves and have fun. If you have questions about your treatment, ring the Patient Advisors and make sure we have explained clearly what you need to know”.
“Ask yourself why you have given up planning, why your life is on hold. Does it really need to be? One area of your life is certainly in flux, but does it have to drag the rest of your world along too?” she says.
At this time of the year, some don’t want to book a holiday because they think they might be in treatment, or pregnant, on the 2 weeks wait, which is normal and common, but is it necessary? The benefits of relaxation, escape and time together could bring a sense of control back into your relationship, give you time to remember why you are together and build resilience. “Whether it’s a staycation, a tent or a palace, take control and look after yourselves” Gill says.