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How to cope with miscarriage

Not spoken about enough, often insufficiently recognised, and for many friends, family and even medical staff, possibly an awkward subject for discussion. Too many couples struggle to understand, discuss and cope with miscarriage.

Everyone’s experience is different and there is no right or wrong way to react. Listen to your thoughts and feelings, share if it helps, ask for what you need, whether that is medical support, information, or a hug. Some people will move on quickly, others will struggle to find a way to understand what has happened and to grieve.

Miscarriage is a very broad term, including miscarriage, ectopic and molar pregnancy. Loss can be after a few or many weeks of pregnancy. How you feel is unpredictable and all you can do is to allow yourself to experience and express your feelings, and to seek support if you feel it will help.

The Miscarriage Association offers information, advice and personal stories to help you understand what you are going through. Here’s an extract from their website;

Feelings after a miscarriage

All of these things and more will affect how you feel about your loss, immediately and over time. But whatever your circumstances, it is very common to feel any of the following:

  • sad and tearful– perhaps suddenly bursting into tears without any obvious trigger
  • shocked and confused– especially if there were no signs that anything was wrong
  • numb– you don’t seem to have any feelings at all
  • angry– at fate, at hospital staff, or at others’ pregnancy announcements
  • jealous– especially when seeing other pregnant women and babies
  • guilty – perhaps wondering if you might have caused the miscarriage (that’s very unlikely)
  • empty– a physical sense of loss
  • lonely– especially if others don’t understand
  • panicky and out of control– feeling unable to cope with everyday life

You may feel you need time off work for a few days, however it can take longer than this to come to terms with your loss and making sense of what has happened can take time.

At Bath Fertility we’re determined to offer support where we can. Many people find talking helps and you may wish to see our counsellors. The counselling team are available to talk through your experience and loss, and if it is too difficult to come into the centre, they’re happy to Skype or Facetime you at home. Simply contact our patient advisors and ask for an appointment, and remember we’re here to support you, every step of your fertility journey.